Confidence and Self Worth: Sarah T. Moore, MA, ACC

When I was conducting an interview for my PR club about a year ago, I was lucky enough to randomly get paired with Sarah. We have kept in touch ever since, and I have been able to be a part of some of her most recent business projects. To give you some background, she is a professional women's leadership coach who founded her own company called Moore Soul Sessions. Sarah's overall message and goal for women is a strong one, telling them, "You're here to feel confident and clear in the choices you make." She offers weekly live sessions on Instagram, one-on-one coaching calls, and is currently working as a Fellow Coach for a coaching company that contracts with several Fortune 500s. Sarah exudes acceptance and love, and her message is one I thought many women could benefit from hearing.

How did you first get involved with your profession & pursue coaching?

“Coaching found me. I was working for a lingerie company which was something I was passionate about. I actually wanted to start my own bra boutique and had thought about getting funding and making a business plan. My husband had some really sound advice. He said, ‘Sarah, you’re 26. We don’t have any money. Why don’t you go ahead and work in the industry and get some experience before you start your own thing?’ A company just happened to be opening a store in Houston which is where we were living at the time. What I loved most about that work is how I saw a woman transform when she had a bra that fit. Not long after I decided to pursue that passion, I happened to read an article about coaching. The moment I read it, it was literally a lightbulb moment. I had never heard of a life coach at that point. I remember sitting down with some friends when I was 14 saying, ‘If I could just get paid to have intimate conversations, that’s what I want.’ I know I didn’t want to be a psychologist or a counselor, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. The article happened to be about a coach who was also based in Houston and I reached out to her. She was kind enough to show me her business. It went from a theoretical ‘yes’ to a practical ‘oh my gosh, yes.’"

What are ways that you believe help women embrace themselves entirely and gain self confidence?

“I think getting to that place is a lifelong pursuit. Probably three things really stand out to me. First, I’ve really come to understand that being clear about our values is absolutely essential. I think that people tend to think about values in a very intangible way and yet, they’re anything but that. Values are the guide posts of our decision making. It’s usually one or two values; I'd call B.S. if you have any more than that. They help us decide when we’re in that moment of uncertainty or second guessing ourselves, what it is that is actually right for us. I don’t think that there are many ways out there that help women really understand what their values are in a meaningful way. It’s typically a sheet of paper with a list of 20 values and you’re asked to pick the ones that speak to you. It’s not enough.

I think the second thing, based merely on the coaching conversations I have and where women are getting tripped up the most, is when they start worrying about what other people think. It can be in the smallest decisions. ‘What is that mom saying about me at the playground?’ One of the most fundamental questions that I come back to when I’m working with someone is, ‘What do I think?’ I probably ask myself that question 20 times a day because it is so easy to be sidetracked by other people's opinions. I think it’s really easy for women, especially who are smart and successful in their own right, to think that they’re confident…and they are. When they start to examine how much they’re ruled by people and thoughts outside of themselves, they’re overwhelmed, so that ‘what do I think?’ question is a turning point for them.

Then thirdly is defining either success, confidence or both. It’s taken for granted that we know what that is, but we all have slightly different versions of it depending on the things that we need to learn. That way, we’re not thinking generally about confidence or success, which could lead to comparison and then beating ourselves up. If I’m really clear about what my definition of those two things are, I’ve got a greater chance to set myself up for success.

For a lot of people, confidence looks like bravado. You know, ‘Let me fake it until I make it.’ What I find from myself and for these women who I work alongside of is that confidence is actually entirely the opposite. Sometimes confidence is intimacy."

You work with women leaders around the country - what are some of the reasons these women schedule sessions with you?

"The bulk of my time is spent one-on-one. In coaching, we talk about the fact that whenever you make a decision, it’s because there is a healthy dissatisfaction in your life. It may be that you’re at point A and you want to know how you can get to point B. That’s really what distinguishes the difference between coaching and other types of therapy.

Typically women come in when there's something more deeply rooted. If we experience one thing, we tend to experience it in most areas. There’s this great saying that goes, ‘How we do anything is how we do everything.’ So, typically I’ll begin by asking women how they want to use our time together, and they could start talking about anything. What happens is that trickles down into the roots of their lives. Maybe because something is happening at work and it’s showing up at home, or maybe things are great at home and they are able to use that momentum at work."

Within the past few years, there has been a huge light shed on women in the workplace & the pressure they experience. How, if it applies, has it impacted your specific sessions?

"I don’t think there’s any way it couldn’t have affected it. It’s not something that’s coming up directly in conversations, but I think that the context in which we’re living is women realizing that we need to use our voice in different ways than we’ve been using it. We’re responsible, in part, for our own outcomes. I think that there’s a greater desire and a culture in which it’s more possible to live out those desires. A lot of the women I work with are big thinkers, big doers and big achievers. I think those limits have just been pushed more and there’s more of a belief that this is possible."

During quarantine people can feel lonelier or more in their heads with more time to think. What’s your biggest advice when coping with these emotions and getting yourself through it?

"I think that as humans, we’re hard-wired for connection. This is a period of disconnection in a lot of ways. Although, I’m a real believer that quarantine has amplified what already existed. I don’t know that a lot of people are experiencing new things; it’s just that they are experiencing things up close and personal and don’t have the typical distractions of everyday life. I would say connection, connection, connection. When we have too much time on our own to think, we think that our problems are unique. While we might be special, we’re not unique. We’re humans; we tend to struggle with the same fundamental worries and desires. Being in connection is what creates intimacy. It makes us realize that we’re not alone in our thinking."

What’s something you’re most proud of in your personal journey?

"I’d say a willingness to take responsibility. When I think about responsibility, I think about being response-able. I'm growing enough to have a response that meets the moment, which is always changing. Obviously I miss that mark regularly, but what fills me with hope is that I really did my best to know where I fell short and where I’m willing to grow. That’s my definition of success - being able to be true to myself every minute.”

If you have not yet, follow Sarah on Instagram for her free Office Hours series and even more inspiring content.